At the Crossroads of Shame

As our pastor has been working through Jesus’ journey to the cross, it has struck me how Jesus worked to prepare the disciples for the journey to come. They were a bit clueless. As Jesus sat at the table with them and shared about what was to come, they didn’t hear it or get it. They missed the point and ended up arguing. I feel like I can often relate to Peter and some of the situations that he ended up in because of how vocal he could be. I wonder what Peter felt after having betrayed Jesus, hearing the crow three times and realizing that he had done what he said he wouldn’t do…maybe at that point he could look back and hear the voice of Jesus explaining what was to come. He could hear and see that Jesus had been trying to tell them something important. That he hadn’t listened. I imagine one of the feelings he felt after all of this in addition to his grief was shame.

Shame… ugh… 

Most of us have probably been there. We have felt shame because of what we have done….or….we might have felt it because we perceived that others saw us a certain way, or someone tried to put the feelings of shame onto us.

This has been weighing on my heart recently.

Every time we feel shame it is as if we have hit a crossroad, and we have a choice what we do with it. If we feel shame and we allow it to, it can be an opportunity to draw us closer to God! Shame often isolates. It can be a tool of the enemy, or it can allow a closer and deeper relationship with God as we lean into Him and heal and grow. Yep, I think Peter had to heal and grow. 

I was talking with my older sister about the topic of shame as I struggled to process through some recent life events. She reminded me that no matter the sin, it is always first against God. This got me reading, and throughout the Bible are verses that talk about people confessing how they have sinned against God. The situations may or may not discuss the sin against others, but they do acknowledge the sin against God. It is so awesome how quick God is to forgive us! 

If the shame is coming from something I did, like Peter, then I have this amazing opportunity to turn to God, confess and draw close to Him knowing that there is sweet forgiveness. If the shame is coming from someone else trying to put it onto me, be it from the devil himself or someone else, then I can confidently know that it has no place and no hold on me. I can also know that their effort to shame me is a sin first against God and because of that I can let it go and leave it with God for Him to deal with. Either way, I can turn to God and draw close to Him and let the sense of shame go!

Thinking back to Peter and his healing… can you just imagine the joy, the freedom, and the peace that came with talking to Jesus after his resurrection?! What an amazing time that must have been. The gospels don’t talk much about what Jesus taught them or shared with them after His resurrection. But this must have been such a time of grace and restoration along with a calling to keep doing what Jesus has called them to. Healing comes with continuing to lean into God after a time of heartache and hardship. There is forgiveness and grace. But growth and healing come with continuing to lean into Jesus and following him rather than isolating. How amazing the time must have been after the resurrection!